


So I'll Go, I'll Go

by MissCoppelia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending Chapter, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, HEA, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Kidnapping, No Pregnancy, Poly triad, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reylux - Freeform, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-08-23 10:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20241253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCoppelia/pseuds/MissCoppelia
Summary: Six years ago, Ben Solo was kidnapped by ISIS while on assignment in Syria.Four years ago, his body was found, burned beyond recognition, with his engagement ring placed on top of his body.So Ben Solo can't possibly be calling Rey's phone six years later, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts).

> Inspired by this prompt from [@reylo_prompts](https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts/status/1160940223775293440) by [persimonne ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/works)because she knows I'm a sucker for light infidelity.
> 
> Anon Prompt: "When Ben is declared missing, and then presumed dead, his fiance, Rey, is heartbroken. He returns years later, only to find she didn't wait for him as she'd promised she would."
> 
> Unfortunately the formatting sucks because I copied it from Twitter. Also I added a few things, expanding on a few places where I felt the story could use it.
> 
> Please read the tags!
> 
> Edit: Thank you to [leoba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoba) for the moodboard! I really have some of the best friends in this fandom! <3

Rey gets a phone call at 11:26 pm on a Monday that breaks her heart. 

"Rey? It's me. It's Ben."

It almost even sounds like him, but Ben disappeared on assignment in Syria six years ago. Four years ago they found his charred body with some of his things on a military raid on a ISIS compound in Turkey. Her fiance is dead. 

"Rey? Can you hear me?"

Without hesitating, Rey hangs up. What a sick joke to play on someone who lost a loved one. She curses the conspiracy theorists out there who just had to torment her and the rest of Ben's family with their bullshit. 

"Armie?" Her voice sounds so pathetic, choked with tears already.

Before he even reaches her, the number calls back. Rey declines the call immediately.   
  
"What's wrong, love?"  
  
Armitage Hux had been Ben's editor, and Rey's accidental rock during those first three years of grief.  
  
Which was funny because the two men had hated each other.

"Another one," Rey answers. 

He takes her phone and shuts it off before wrapping his arms around her. "Fucking wankers. We'll get you a new number in the morning. I'll tell Leia and the others."

Rey feels slightly better sobbing into Armie's shoulder, but now that she's been reminded of Ben, he's all she'll think about for days. She misses him, everything about him. It consumes her every time this sort of thing happens, even knowing he isn't coming back.

She remembers too much of Ben. How much he felt like home, how his hair would get in his face, how angry she'd get when he'd accept dangerous assignments. 

But she's also forgotten so much. The exact way he laughed, where her favorite mole was, which cheese he liked. It hurts.

Rey is so tired of hurting.

* * *

For Ben, it's been six strange years. He couldn't tell anyone where he's been for most of it, just which language was being spoken. 

Arabic most of the time, when he was a prisoner and slave in the ISIS strongholds, but the soldiers would chat in their native tongues together.

Now he's free. Tired, scarred, aching in places he never used to ache, but at least he's free. 

He bums a cellphone off one of his rescuers the first chance he gets to call Rey. Tell her he's alright. And he's sorry. That he's coming home and he's done with this kind of work

She answers, or someone who sounds like her does, but then she hangs up on him. He tries again and gets a voice mail after a few rings. The next time he tries, it rings and goes straight to voice mail. He leaves a voice mail every time, but she doesn't call him back.

Eventually Ben has to give the phone back to the polite Turkish soldier that helped him and told him it was no problem if he called international. The soldier told him how much he missed his wife and kids too.

Ben cries as he eats the small rations the soldiers can spare for him.

* * *

Ben spends a week at the Turkish base while they try to arrange something with the US Embassy. 

It looks too much like some of the ISIS camps, so he spends most of his time in the mess hall where it feels more like some place normal.

On day two, the soldier who lent him the phone is sent into battle again. The man gives him a back-slapping hug and wishes him good luck. 

On day five, a U.S. diplomat comes to meet him. The man is cautious with him. Apparently Ben had died already. News to him.

He spends the rest of the day thinking about how he "died." All they knew of him for the past four years was that there was a body burned beyond recognition in a pit with a few others and his ring tossed on top of the corpse. He wonders who died instead of him.

He wonders about his family. About Rey. They were told he was dead. 

Dead men can't call and leave messages. 

He can't swallow when he thinks about Rey crying over the news he had died. He goes for a walk for the first time since he was freed. He forgot he could do that again.

* * *

On day 6, a team of diplomats come to speak to him. They come armed with questions about his life, about his work, about his experiences in captivity. They don't let him go for another walk when Ben says he's tired, but they bring him endless cans of Coke and sandwiches.

The next day he's violently ill. His body hasn't eaten over processed Western food in so long. The Turkish doctors do their best to settle his stomach and keep him hydrated, but they can't stop the U.S. military from coming to transfer him into their custody.

It feels so foreign to be in the brightly lit U.S. military hospital. Everything is too clean. All the nurses and doctors smile at him sympathetically. They make small talk with him and seem to enjoy learning about where he's from and what he did before he wound up in this mess.

They don't let him call anyone until after three more days of debriefings, medical tests, and other poking and prodding. 

Eventually they arrange a video call with his parents. 

Leia shrieks when sees him, then covers her mouth afraid to speak again. 

Han smiles. "Hey kid."

Ben and his father talk about how he got the scar on the right side of his face (he was tortured back when his kidnappers thought he might know something important about the unit he was embedded with) until Leia has recovered enough to speak. 

"Grandma Padme died two years ago."

Ben isn't surprised. His grandmother had been getting weaker the past few years before he went to Syria.

"Damn," he says, stopping for a moment to think about the way his grandmother liked to reach up and hold his face in her wrinkled hands. 

"Not going to miss her kugel though."

That sends both his parents into a fit of laughter until Leia is overcome with emotion again. 

"My baby boy," Leia sobs. Han wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes. "I can't believe it. I can't believe it." 

Ben tries to hold back his own tears. "Yeah, I can't either."

They talk. Mostly his parents want to know as much as they can about what happened to him. 

Finally he gets to ask, "How's Rey?"

* * *

Rey gets over the strange phone call. It's almost two weeks later when she gets an even stranger call from Leia. 

"Darling, we need to cover over and talk to you right away." She sounds more excited than Rey's heard her in years. 

"What's going on?" 

"Are you sitting down?"

The shock is overwhelming. Even after Leia and Han come over. Even as they talk to her and Armie, and she gets the answers to the questions she's too weak to formulate. 

It just never wears off. Her head still spins.

The military told her that he was dead. An officer had delivered his ring back to her. 

They held a funeral for him and there were way too many people. The press was there. Not just the people from the Chandrila Times that knew him, but other publications, TV crews, and politicians.

Rey couldn't handle it. She couldn't get up and speak. She just sobbed while Leia and Han and the others muddled through their speeches. She declined all the requests for interviews, all the requests that she speak about her ordeal. She can barely even speak to her therapist.

But now he's alive? And free? And coming home? 

Leia and Han are off to Turkey in a few days to join him. 

Rey tries to process all that. 

It slips away.

Then it comes back.

Then she forgets to do something because she's too caught up in trying to wrap her mind around it.

Armie is there with her throughout. 

It makes things strangely worse because they're caught up in the routine of being a couple, but Ben's alive. 

She kisses him on the cheek to wish him good morning, but Ben's alive. 

Armie was never home like Ben. He was just there at the right time when she needed someone to love her. And it hurts.

It hurts because she does love him too, in a different way. Because she's pretty sure she'd be dead or worse if it wasn't for Armie gently pushing his way into her life. 

He had felt so horrible when he confessed his feelings to her, when he told her how hard it was to see her alone. She didn't want to be alone anymore either, and Armie had changed after Ben's disappearance and death. The guilt of treating Ben like crap before he'd left pulled at him and the man had lost his angry edges. He threw himself into helping with the rescue attempts, he was there for Rey, for Ben's family, as much as he could be.  


When they started dating, he gave her space when she needed it. He took her to therapy. He cared for her. In ways that sometimes Ben didn't ever do when he was alive.

But Ben was alive again, and Rey felt herself tearing apart.

* * *

The video call with Rey is arranged for the day before his parents arrive in Istanbul. Ben's been moved to a room in the U.S. Embassy now, which is much more comfortable than the military hospital.

He's dreading the call though. Now that he knows. 

He feels guilty.

If he hadn't been so caught up in his job, this would have never happened to her. He'd already had prestige by then. But he still craved adventure and the heady tension of conflict. 

If he wasn't so selfish, he wouldn't have done this to Rey.

He doesn't know how the call will go. He knows he'll apologize to her. He knows she'll cry (his mother still cries each time they talk), he knows he'll probably cry too. He paces in his room for two hours beforehand.

Ben is not prepared for Rey to be holding Hux's hand on the screen when it connects.

She looks so much older, so tired. He can see her grip Hux’s hand harder as Ben greets them. She’s staring, trying to make sure it’s really him. 

“How’s it going?” He asks, trying to be casual. As if the circumstances are anywhere close to normal.

“It’s really you,” Rey says softly, and then all of a sudden she lets go of Hux’s hand and reaches for him through the screen. 

Ben watches Hux’s heart try not to break as her hand brushes the screen where Ben’s face must be. 

That’s when he knows he has to stay away from her.

Ben had his chance. Then he got kidnapped for six years, broke Rey’s heart, and fucked it all up. It’s only fair that Rey get another chance at happiness. It’s only fair that it’s with Hux. His parents had told Ben how much Hux had done for her. They had hoped he’d propose soon.

"It's really me," Ben answers. 

He watches while Rey breaks down into tears. He wishes he could be there to wipe them away. 

Hux follows suit, which is a shock, but he seems genuinely moved to see Ben again. He keeps looking up at Ben between tears before breaking down again.

"Damn, Hux. I thought you would have been glad to get rid of me." 

"Fuck you, wanker!" Hux shoots back as he tries to wipe his eyes. 

Then they all start to laugh. 

Then it's Ben's turn to cry. 

Then they talk when Hux finally asks, "What fucking happened?"

The two men compare notes. They had found out he was in an ISIS camp near the Turkish border. Once a raid was scheduled, that's when the body was found. Ben remembers the camp. They used him to dig trenches in the blistering heat. He almost didn't survive that camp.

Someone had tipped the soldiers about the raid, so they packed up and returned to the stronghold in Mosul. In Mosul, Ben was locked in a cell and forgotten except for one meal a day. They would only come get him and their other prisoners if they needed manual labor.

It was almost not so bad. They were left alone, and Ben talked to whomever could understand his broken Arabic or Turkish. But if they got caught, they were taken out into the city squares, declared heretics, and beaten until they passed out.

Rey starts crying when he recounts that part, so Ben switches to the story of how he was rescued. They took him back out to the front to build a new camp, but they hadn't been there two nights before the Turkish army ambushed  


He tells her about trying to call her when the Turkish soldier offered his phone. She apologizes for hanging up on him. Hux apologizes because he encouraged her to get a new number. She'd held onto the old one just out of sentimentality and it had been causing problems.

Ben ends the call without apologizing. Rey promised to be there when he lands. He'll do it then, when he can give her a hug and really look into her eyes. Then he'll wish her & Hux the best, & throw himself into rebuilding his life. It hurts to think it's going to be without her

* * *

He's very grateful for his parent's arrival and the distraction it brings. 

His mother touches his head and says the blessing over a child. "Y'varechecha Adonai v'yish'm'recha. Ya-er Adonai panav eilecha vichuneka. Yisa Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom."

"May God Bless you and keep you. May God's light shine upon you, and may God be gracious to you. May you feel God's Presence within you always, and may you find peace." 

Ben thinks about being Jewish again for the first time in a decade, at least. His atheism protected him during his time with ISIS, oddly enough. He didn't let himself think about Judaism at all, just in case. But now he thinks he can manage a cautious agnosticism. It does feel like a miracle that he survived, after all. Baruch HaShem.

There's a gala dinner at the Embassy, and then he's on the plane home.   
  
Whatever home is now.  
  
Because before home had been with Rey. In their apartment in the Bronx.  
  
She doesn't live there anymore. Most of the things she couldn't stand to keep are at his parent's house.

Obviously he'll be at his parent's house until he gets back on his feet.   
  
They gave Rey his savings. They even adopted her. Rey is technically his sister now.  
  
He listens to his mother ramble on about anything she can think of on the plane ride. It's better than focusing on that.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, as he grows sleepy, he realizes his parents made sure Rey wasn't alone. And Hux made sure Rey wasn't alone. And he knows that Finn and Rose and Poe and Bebe would never let Rey be alone. And he's grateful for that, since he stupidly left her alone

* * *

  


The attendants wake Ben up about an hour before the plane lands so he can change his clothes. They'll let him reunite with his friends and family for a few moments, and then there's a small press conference. He wrote down a few words just in case he gets distracted.

The landing feels like it takes forever until they touch down and then everything's happening very fast. They pull up to the hanger where the press and everyone else is waiting. Ben watches as the plane powers off and the ground staff makes preparations.

Eventually the cameramen are ushered over to their staging area, and then the reporters. The doors to the plane open, and the stairs come up, and his heart is beating fast as he walks down them, waving to the crowd. 

He sees Rey break away from the group at the end of the stairs

She makes it five stairs up before Ben meets her. She throws her arms up around his neck, and it's all he can do to wrap a hand around her back while he steadies himself. His other arm comes around her and he lifts her off her feet, fully aware that he has to put her back down.

Surprisingly, it's his body that tells him when it's time. Ben doesn't have a lot of muscle left after a six-year starvation diet. The Embassy had plenty of food and a great gym, but well...   
  
He puts her down and Rey presses her face to his chest.  
  
"I missed you," she whimpers.

Ben pushes his nose in her hair, because fuck it, the press knows what they were before all this happened. Hux knows. Their friends know. 

"I missed you too," he says. 

They hold onto each other until Poe shouts, "Get a room, assholes." Then they break apart awkwardly laughing.

He hugs everyone. There are a lot of happy tears, even from his Uncle Luke. They do the press conference and he answers about three questions. He spits out the champagne someone gives him. His stomach isn't strong enough yet.  


Eventually Ben just drives home with his parents. He's so tired. He almost doesn't care about the fact that he barely got to say two words to Rey. Almost. 

He buys a new cell phone the next day.

* * *

Rey gets the text at work. 

"Hey, Rey. It's Ben." 

It's so casual, it makes her laugh. 

"Hi," she responds. "How's Long Island treating you?" 

"Beds still feel weird. So soft."

Rey chokes back a wave of emotion. She focuses instead on how good it was to see him yesterday.

For a whole minute, the world slotted back into its rightful place. Ben was in her arms, even though he looked different, smelled different, felt different. He was still the same Ben. 

Then the world came tumbling back down on them.

Rey was more than happy to share Ben with his friends and family. She knew why they had to do a stupid press conference. That didn't bother her at all. But afterward Ben went home. And home wasn't with her. Rey hates it, just like she knew she would.

Armie didn't stay over. He knew she needed space to cry. Rey isn't sure if that helped at all, but she appreciates it. She appreciates how well he's been handling all this. She needs to tell him how grateful she is soon so he doesn't think she's neglecting his feelings.

First, though, she needs to get her own feelings under control. 

Rey knows it would be shitty of her to just drop Armie now that Ben's home. She knows she can't give into that temptation. But no one would fault her for texting Ben.  
  
She doesn't get a lot done at work that day.

* * *

Rey spends most of the next few days texting Ben. He's having trouble adjusting to this and that. Coffee, which he used to guzzle like a maniac, gives him jitters now. Han got a car for him, but he feels too nervous to drive alone so he walks wherever and that wears him out.

What's really getting him is the food. Apparently Western food still disagrees with his stomach. He keeps getting sick from it. He tells Rey that he oddly misses the scraps of spiced chicken or kibbeh with rice or freekeh that used to get thrown into his cell.

Rey offers to pick him up one evening after work and take him to a Syrian restaurant in the city. It's an excuse to hang out with him. She wants to see him so badly. She asks Armie if he wants to join them. He smiles at her and says that he wants them to have some time alone first.  


Armie is too good to her. She kisses him more that night, but she's thinking about Ben instead. She feels terrible until she starts texting Ben again the next day and he distracts her from the guilt.  
  
It isn't wrong because Ben needs all the support he can get right now.

They don't talk about their old relationship. They talk about all the weird things Ben's totally missed.   
  
"Who the fuck is Ariana Grande?" He texts, and Rey has to cover her laughter.  
  
The current state of politics totally disappoints him and he sends her long rants about it.

They also don't talk about what she went through without him. Rey can sense that he's waiting for the right moment to bring it up. 

* * *

The next day comes and she takes the train out to Long Island. They'll drive over to the restaurant so Ben can practice a little bit.

Thankfully it's Han who answers the door.   
  
"Hey kiddo, good to see you."  
  
She gets a rough hug from him before Leia notices her arrival and calls out for Ben. She enjoys a kiss on the cheek and a softer embrace as Ben's steps crash down the stairwell.

Ben looks so excited. Like a teenager. Just the biggest smile on his face as he pushes past his parents to her.  
  
"Rey," is all he says, totally breathless.  
  
It's a little too long, just like at the airfield, but this time it's Rey who stops him.  
  
"You hungry?"  
  
"God yeah."

The car ride is pretty much the same as when they text. Ben is trying to focus, remember how to drive again, so deep conversation is not on his mind yet.  
  
"I forgot how overwhelming this place is," he comments once they're surrounded by skyscrapers.  
  
She can only imagine.

Ben starts drooling over the menu once they get there. It's just a little hole in the wall style place, but he's ecstatic. 

"It tastes more like normal to me now than what I used to eat."  
  
Rey smiles up at him. "That's okay, we can go to restaurants and you can try new food again."

"We can invite everyone and make it into something fun," she continues. 

Ben smiles at her and then proceeds to order half the menu. 

"I'll take it home if we don't eat it here," he says when Rey's eyes bug out. "So I have something to fall back on when Western food fails me."

They sit down and Ben fidgets.   
  
"How's work?"  
  
Rey can tell he wants to go deeper than that, but the evening so far has been a lot for him. He's not used to so many things now.  
  
"I'm a senior engineer now," she says. "Just took the tests last year."  
  
The studying had helped her focus on something other than her grief.

His eyes widen with excitement. She had been considering taking the Professional Engineer exam when he left.   
  
"Congrats! That's pretty big!"  
  
"Yeah," she laughs. It's awkward, but they have to push through it. "It took awhile to think about that kind of stuff again."  
  
Rey sees the pain flash in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly.   
  
His fidgeting stops. Ben seems to look less like himself and more like the man who was kidnapped and imprisoned for six years. Rey notices the exhaustion, the new lines on his features, the slight downturn of his mouth, for the first time.

* * *

So he doesn't protest when she starts stroking his leg as they drive. She doesn't protest when they get lost as he tries to remember how to drive to the old make out point by the beach. They get there eventually. 

Once he stops the car, he lets her pull him into a kiss.

They don't talk about it. He just pushes his seat back, and she crawls onto him, and his entire world is Rey again. It feels good, even as a voice in the back of his head begs for mercy. 

The only mercy is that neither of them wants this to end because when it's done, it's goodbye.

He takes everything he can because it's the last time he'll see it, feel it underneath his hands, taste it on his lips. It's a gift that he'll only get this once, and he refuses to let his gratitude go unnoticed.  
  
She comes undone with tears in her eyes. He's not far behind her.

He drives them back to his parent's house with the windows open. Rey used to like to rest her chin on the edge and smell the faint ocean spray, today she sticks to him like salt and sand.  
  
Han drives her to the station and Ben sits in the back while they chat about their evening.

The guilt starts to pull at him when they resume their usually texting the next morning.

* * *

Rey begins to organize a big get together for their next dinner.  
  
Even Phasma decides to come, and usually it's impossible to get her to RSVP to anything, but she feels bad about missing Ben's plane land. They decide on Indian food because Ben thinks it's close enough to Middle Eastern that his stomach can handle it.

It's much easier being surrounded by friends, Rey decides. They can laugh and joke, and smile at each other without feeling bad. But there's not so many people that she feels like she doesn't get any of Ben's attention at all. And Ben's happy, that's what matters.

* * *

She's sitting on the couch and texting Ben a few days later when Armie corners her. 

"Why haven't you broken up with me yet?" He asks, not angry, just exasperated. 

Rey is surprised that he's not angry. "I'm sorry?" 

She's still trying wrap her head around it.

"He's back, Rey," Armie sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "You should be with him." 

"But what about us?" She knows she sounds dumb & confused, but how can he be so calm about it? 

"There's only us because we all thought he was dead. I wouldn't have asked you out otherwise."

The room grows quiet. 

"So what was the last three years of my life then?" she asks because now she's angry. It shouldn't be nothing, even if Ben's back. Why isn't Armie fighting for her? 

He kneels at her feet. "I wanted to make you happy, Rey. I still do. That's what this is."

That takes all the anger out of her. Rips it out from her gut instantly. She can't stop the pain or the sobs that come next. 

Armie kisses her hands and tries to soothe her. 

"I already said goodbye to him," she cries. 

"I know." 

"I would have stayed!"

"I know. It's okay."

Armie leans up and kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. It's all very chaste, though she considers trying to deepen it, trying to fight for their relationship.

"I can't fight with Ben anymore, not after everything that happened. He doesn't deserve it," Armie explains

Rey just nods, a strange feeling of numbness coming over her. She hates how little control she has over her life these days.   
  
"I'll be okay," he says, finally starting to choke back his own tears. "I just can't see you two pretending that you don't still love each other for the rest of your lives."

She wraps her arms around Armie now, holds him, tries to show him how much she really does love him too, even if they're breaking up. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

"It'll be okay." 

She shakes her head like a child. Too wild. "It's not because I hurt you."

Armie hums in agreement. 

"I'm sorry," she repeats. 

"I know and I forgive you." 

They hold each other like that for an hour, repeating the same thing over and over again. Then he walks her to the station with a change of clothes.

  


* * *

"Can you pick me up from the station?"   
  
  
Rey's voice doesn't sound right to Ben's ears. She's definitely been crying. Or is crying. He's not sure yet.  
  
"What's happening?"

"Armie... broke up with me. He let me go. I don't want to be alone right now."  


Ben sees red.

"What the fuck? Are you alright? Did he find out that we-" 

"No. No, I don't think so," Rey says weakly. "But he... he let me go so I could be with you. He's here right now making sure I'm not alone. If you're busy I'll go to Finn's place." 

Ben doesn't know what to say to that. Other than, "Of course you can come over. I'll pick you up. Or I can head over to your station and ride with you if you don't want to be alone on the train. It's late."  
  
He hears Rey laugh on the other end. "I can ride the train at night by myself, thank you very much."  
  
"Right."

He tries to explain to his parents. They're just as confused as he is, but of course "Rey is welcome anytime," Leia says.   
  
Her words turn over in his mind.  
  
"He let me go so I could be with you."  
  
Does that mean...? Should he hope?  
  
He keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ben only finds a sense of calm when he sees Rey with her red-rimmed eyes and her shaky smile. This, he can handle. He can care for his heartbroken best friend in her time of need. They can figure out the rest later. He envelopes her in a hug because she needs it.

The ride home is quiet. Rey gives Han and Leia a hug, assures them she doesn't need dinner, and eventually winds up curled up a couch with a mug of hot cocoa in her hands.   
  
"I'm headed up to bed," Leia declares.  
  
Han is less subtle. "I'll go too. Since you two need to talk."

"What the fuck happened?" Ben asks because there's nothing else to ask.  
  
Rey explains as best she can. Ben has a million angry questions. 

"I wouldn't have tried to break you guys up, he knows that, right?" 

"Yeah, he does." 

"That wasn't why I-we-" 

"I know, that was just me."

A lot of crying happens, mostly on Ben's part. A lot of swearing happens, definitely all on Ben's part. 

"Hux is such a fucking idiot. He doesn't know how hard it is to give someone like you up! And if he regrets it, he's going to have to go through me!" 

That makes Rey laugh.

Eventually, Rey finds her way into his lap. They just sit there together. Close. It feels good to be close, but it feels too soon to be more than that. 

They go to sleep together in the guest room because that has the bigger bed and they don't want to be apart yet.

They kiss each other in the morning when it feels more real. Ben starts crying because he hasn't felt so happy in so fucking long. Rey is there to kiss his tears away. 

It takes two whole months to convince Leia that she can stand to let her baby boy move out of the house.

In another month, they're wearing their rings again, and discussing when they'd like the wedding to be. Because it feels exactly the same as before, even if Ben is different. 

He's not the raging workaholic he used to be, getting caught up in the stories he's chasing, being invited out to important charity galas, doing important work. He's perfectly content to do more normal things now like work from home and take long walks in Central Park.

And Rey's different too. She's no longer the bubbly extrovert she once was. She's content to come home and enjoy Ben's company far more than dragging him out to the latest food hall to try some new, wild concoction. Instead she's the workaholic and Ben's the one taking her to new places.  
  
But it feels mostly the same, it feels like home together.

The media eats up the news that they're back together like it's the spiciest soap opera, which is annoying, but they get through it. Rey checks in on Hux to see how he's handling it, and apparently he's fine.  


A few weeks later, Hux surprises them by walking into the Italian restaurant (Ben's been building his way back up) hand in hand with Phasma. No one's ever seen Phasma look so in love before. Rey is delighted to see that Armie looks at her the same way as he used to look at Rey.

It takes a very long time for Han and Leia to disinherit Rey so she can become their daughter-in-law instead. 

Apparently the legal system gets very confused by that sort of thing when the person in question is still included in your trust and has medical power of attorney.

Their wedding is simple and inexpensive. The chuppah in his parent's backyard, is the fanciest thing aside from the cake. By the time they finish their vows, there isn't a dry eye in the house.

But there is also a smile on everyone's faces, especially Rey and Ben's.  



	2. I Want You To Be Happier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Alternative Ending to "So I'll Go, I'll Go"
> 
> Instead of getting over Rey after Ben returns home, Hux is still in love with her. And Rey knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/works) and [leoba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoba) for inspiring this one!
> 
> Enjoy, but please note that this is a reylux happy ending! If you don't want to read that, don't read this!

Rey sees Armie at least once a month when she and Ben invite all their friends out for dinner. He never misses those dinners unless he has a work trip.

Sometimes she joins Armie and Ben when they hang out together. It’s nice that they’re friends now instead of at each other’s throats like they used to be. It’s nice that they all get to spend time together. That they all still care about each other.  
  
But she also sees how he looks at her. How lonely he seems. How much he seems to regret letting her go back to Ben. 

Rey wants to fix it. She just doesn’t know how.

* * *

It’s not like he hasn’t tried dating. Hux tries. He really does. 

And they’re all lovely women, and he wishes he felt anything at all for them. It would make him feel like he hadn’t utterly fucked up his life by breaking up with Rey so she could go be with Ben.

Because even now he knows that it was the right thing to do, but dammit if it doesn’t still hurt him.

Rey was so good for him. She taught him how to be a better man, not the angry pisslord he used to be. Now that she’s gone, he feels that man creep back under his skin. 

He maintains the friendship so he can get that better man back. He maintains the friendship because he knows Rey would be gutted if he let it slip into the past like nothing ever happened between them. He realizes maybe he needs more space, but he also realizes his feelings are too strong to let him off the hook.

He’d just think about her all the time, then find a way to see her, to get that fix like he’s some kind of junkie and his only drug is Rey. He loves it when she smiles and calls him Armie one more time.

Stupidly, he lets her eat away at him.

* * *

Rey considers all her options.   
  
She could set Armie up with someone she knows, for example. That seems like the most straightforward way to deal with the problem, but who?   
  
She knows he’s been dating, but he never seems to get past one or two dates, so there’s never anything to tell. He tells her that they seemed nice, but he doesn’t see it working out. He shrugs at Rey helplessly, as if she isn’t supposed to read between the lines and see that he’s still stuck on her.   
  
So she tries to think of who’s most like her, who would replace her best. Turns out that’s a pretty hard thing to do. Does she search for looks? For personality? For the background radiation of abandonment and loss and trauma that has flowed throughout their lives and helped them connect?

Rey isn’t sure, and it’s when she feels like it’s hopeless that she turns to the bad option.

She could sleep with Armie, to say goodbye and get closure, like she did with Ben before Armie broke up with her. Surprisingly she has no qualms about doing that sort of thing, even knowing how painful it would be for all of them. She’d thought it was just a one time thing, unusual circumstances considering Ben’s sudden reappearance. But, no, she has it in her to love more than one person at once.

Rey tries to push that option out of her mind. It was a terrible idea the first time she did it. She could have hurt the two most important men in her life beyond any repair. She won’t risk it again.

* * *

Ben knows. All of it.

He knows how Hux looks at Rey, how Rey feels about Hux still. Ben sees the moments when Rey goes over to Hux and wraps her arms around him, whispering some words of comfort in his ear. In those moments they still look like a couple. But he’ll never ask either of them about it because it’s so strangely delicate. 

The whole thing makes him feel incredibly guilty at times. He’s to blame for Hux breaking up with Rey and he knows it. It doesn’t matter if he was there before Hux even knew her, by Rey’s side. Ben’s not so callous that he’s angry Rey didn’t wait for him when she thought he was dead. It brings him peace to know she wasn’t alone, that she chased her own happiness after he drowned her in sadness.

But Ben’s not so noble that he’ll let Rey go so Hux can be happy, even as he wishes for Hux’s happiness to materialize.

Besides he and Rey are married now...

* * *

It gets so bad that every time Hux convinces himself it’ll be the last time he sees them.

Then he fails because how is he supposed to excise these people from his life? He works with Ben, actually enjoys his company now. They spent nights at pubs yelling at “soccer” matches instead of at each other. It’s made them somewhat close, and when he can forget about Rey for two seconds, he’s happy that he has Ben in his life.

Ben might be his best friend now, and that makes it so much harder.

* * *

There was a conversation a long time ago, way before they were very serious about anything except fucking each other, that comes into Rey’s mind one day like a lightning bolt. It was so long ago that Rey nearly forgot about it.

“Anal?” Ben asked her. “How do you feel about it?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “We can try it.”

“Fisting?”

“Please no, your cock is too much already.”

“Rimming?”

  
  
“Ben, seriously, we can try butt stuff, don’t worry.”

“Threesomes?”

That had made her pause for a moment. She’d had so many misconceptions back then. All Rey could think about was sitting around ignored while Ben fucked some girl they’d just met, or skeevy guys that would trigger his anger instead of making the experience hotter.   
  
“No,” she’d said back then. “I don’t think I could do that.”

“Hm, too bad, I’m kind of curious.”

And that was true then. But now she knows more.  
  
Rey still doesn’t think she could do it with some total stranger, but she thinks she could be with two people she loves too much at the same time. She can imagine being pressed between them, kissing one before turning to kiss the other.

But it’s probably a pipe dream, even if Ben says he’s attracted to men sometimes.

Both her loves are proud and a bit volatile together. Alcohol has always been the best lubricant between them. 

* * *

Ben notices Rey’s moods. He tries to be aware of what’s caused them so he can be there to fix them or at least help Rey through them.

It’s just part of a normal relationship, he knows, it shouldn’t be anything to brag about. But he is quite proud that he knows her emotions so well. 

She’s managed to stump him this time.

He curls up on the couch with her and strokes the top of her head as they watch TV. When her mind starts to wander, he sees that she’s wistful about something. And sad. And horny?

Ben keeps watching. It’s cyclical. She’ll start thinking really hard about something, squirm against him, sigh, and then look a bit anxious and upset.  
  
It keeps happening as they make their way through some lighthearted sitcom (both of them don’t care for gritty dramas anymore, their world needs more happiness and levity), so Ben finally works up the nerve to ask. 

“Is something wrong?”

Rey looks at him like a deer caught in the headlights, that’s when he realizes it _ must _ be about Hux. They part so that they can look each other in the eyes, but Rey keeps her head down.   
  
Fear runs through him. Would Rey leave him for Hux? No, that doesn’t seem likely, but he knows she’s thinking about him. Ben can’t help but feel scared.   
  
“I’ve been thinking about Armie” she says, unhelpfully confirming Ben’s panic. “I want to help him find happiness again, after everything he did for us. But.. _ . _”

Ben watches tears spill from her eyes, too unsure of where this is going to formulate a response.  
  
“I don’t know what to do,” she sobs, her head still down. “I still care for him so much, but I don’t want to hurt him, or _ you, _ or-”

That bring’s Ben’s mind back into focus. “What were you even thinking of if you thought it’d hurt me?”  
  
She gapes like a fish for a moment, closes her mouth and opens it again. He knows what she’s thinking of now and it makes his heart ache even if he understands her logic.

  
“You were going to sleep with him. Like you did with me.”

“No!” She fires back immediately, then her face softens. “I thought of it, but I don’t think it would really help him at all. I think it’d just hurt him more, and the thought of losing either one of you because of my stupidity…It’s a bad idea.”  
  
Ben’s heart aches for a different reason now. That _ was _ a bad idea, and it only worked out in their favor because Hux already assumed Rey would leave him for Ben.

“All my other ideas are just as bad,” Rey murmurs softly 

* * *

It’s a nice day out, one of those breezy spring ones where it actually feels nice to sit outside instead of a bit too cold or a bit too hot or a bit too humid.

Rey is on her way with coffee for the both of them as Hux waits in the park. They used to like walking around this part together, back when they were still dating. Hux wonders if that’s why Rey suggested it. 

Thankfully he doesn’t have too much time to dwell before Rey is there with a “Hi, Armie!” and a kiss on his cheek. 

It’s hard not to stare at her, think about how beautiful she is, as they sip their drinks and make small talk. The two of them don’t hang out alone much, so it’s nice, but it’s also mildly terrifying. Hux can’t help but think about walking away and if that would make him feel any better.

“Armie,” Rey says, sounding a bit nervous. “Can we talk about something?”

Every muscle in his body is tense before he nods. “What is it?” Does she know? Is she going to be the one to end it?

“It’s…You’ve been so unhappy lately. Because of me.”

Hux finally braves a look at her. She’s worried, upset. He gets mad at himself for making her that way when she’s only just had her first year of happiness in a long time.

“No, no, no, it’s not like that,” he responds. “Really, Rey, I’m fine.”   
  
She shakes her head in that way that he finds so endearing. “No, Armie, I can tell you’re not fine. I know it’s because you let me go back to Ben.”

“Rey, please stop,” he begs. “It’s okay. I wanted to do that. It was for the best.”

She grabs his hand and grips, as if she’s worried he’ll run away on her. “It was a huge gesture, Armie. Not everyone could have done something so selfless, but you have to admit that it’s hurting you because you’re still in love with me.”

Hux opens his mouth to protest, but Rey stops him with “I still love you too.”

  
It takes him a minute to formulate a response because his mind is jumping for joy and panicking at the same time. “But...Ben?”

“I love him too. I love both of you,” she says firmly.

“You mean as a friend,” he quips, laughing at his stupidity. He got his hopes up.  
  
“I don’t. I mean I still love you as much as I did before Ben came back. I love both you and Ben at the same time. I’m polyamorous is what I’m trying to say.”

“Oh.” When Rey puts it like that it becomes a lot more easy to digest. Hux has met a few people that identify as polyamorous. He’s not sure he gets it, but he knows what it is and if that’s what people want to do with their sex lives...  
  
Her grip on his wrist softens and she laces her fingers with his. “I want to be with you again, Armie. Both you and Ben.”

* * *

_ Poor Armie, _ Rey thinks as she tells him how she wants to be with him again and the shock crashes over his face once again. _ Ben was right. _

“I don’t think Hux will be into the idea of a threesome,” Ben had told her. “I don’t get any bi vibes off of him at all.” 

“That’s alright,” she’d said in response. “There are other ways we can be together.” 

Ben smiled and nodded at that. God, she was so grateful for him.

Now all she has to worry about is Armie’s reaction to all of this.

“No, no, no, Rey I don’t want that. I don’t want a threesome with you and Ben,” Armie says, just as predicted. 

“That’s only one option, Armie. We could date just the two of us. Ben doesn’t have to be with us in the bedroom at all.” 

“Ben can’t possibly be okay with this.” His voice is getting higher-pitched, and Rey can tell this is all going south. She’s getting rejected. 

“He is okay with it. He’s around the corner, waiting for me to text him so he can come over and talk to us about it. I wanted to talk to you first, alone.”

“No.” Suddenly Armie is up on his feet, and his hand is pulling away from hers. “It’s not right. You belong with him, not with me!”   
  
“Armie…”   
  
“Please, no, just _ stop. _ You don’t have to fix this for me. I don’t want a pity fuck!”   
  
He leaves, taking pieces of Rey’s heart with him.

* * *

Hux doesn’t show up to work on Monday or Tuesday, and Ben is left to deal with the fallout of his rejection. 

Rey is gutted. Even knowing this was a potential outcome, she feels like she fucked it up so badly that Hux will hate her forever now. All Ben can do try to give her as much love, and comfort, and reassurance as he possibly can that Hux probably doesn’t hate her.

And he can talk to Hux when he deigns to show up at work again.

Mitaka helpfully texts Ben when he finally does roll up to his desk.

Ben is there 30 minutes later, trying not to think about yelling at Hux or pulling him up by his collar to snarl in his face. Apparently the idea of letting another man sleep with his wife doesn’t bother him as much as said man making his wife cry for days.

“Let’s talk,” is all Ben says when he approaches. Hux looks like he’s preparing for his execution.

They’re silent on the way up to the observation floor. Ben breaks out a pack of cigarettes, not a thing he normally does except when he needs to focus on not punching someone. Hux declines to take one.

“I don’t want to sleep with you and Rey,” Hux insists once they’re outside.

Ben lights up his cigarette and takes a drag. Tastes awful. “I figured. You don’t seem that attracted to other men, but that’s not really what Rey was proposing.”

Hux frowns while Ben coughs slightly. “Then _ what? _ ”   


“An open marriage situation.”

“How can you be okay with Rey sleeping around with other men?” Hux asks, practically growling at him. 

Ben takes another drag and releases it. It definitely makes him feel calmer to concentrate on his breathing instead of how he’d like to growl back even louder. “Not other men. Just you. The only one Rey wants is you, and I’m okay with just you.”

Apparently that wasn’t what Hux was expecting to hear because his eyebrows shoot up and he doesn’t respond. 

Ben just sighs, trying to hold back how he wants go cough and gag. “Listen, she cares about you. She loves you and wants to make you happy.”

“I don’t want a pity fuck, Ben. You two don’t have to throw me a bone just because I ruined my own life. I don’t need you to.”

It’s all Ben can do to control the anger that starts to boil at the worlds “pity fuck.”

“That’s not what this is, you idiot. Trust me, I’ve talked to Rey about not doing another pity fuck.”

“_ Another? _”

He shouldn’t be revealing this information to Hux, but he’s honestly not sure how the man is going to get it through his thick skull.

“Yeah, _ another. _ Rey fucked me when I came back home. Just once. Because she felt bad that she didn’t wait for me even though you all thought I was dead.” Ben takes a big breath at the sight of Hux’s shock, or tries to. Stupid cigarette. 

“Then your stupid ass broke up with her anyway, and now you’re here. You think we didn’t notice how much you’ve been pining after her?”

“That’s my problem,” Hux mutters. “Not yours.”

“Yeah, well, Rey wants to fix it since you won’t fix it yourself. Trust me, she thought of giving you a pity fuck and realized it was a terrible fucking idea. And she thought about every other possibility of helping you like setting you up with someone else...”

Hux immediately blanches at that.

  
“Yeah, I fucking thought so,” Ben responds. “Listen, it’s not your fault if you don’t want to do it. She knows that. All I need right now is a ‘I’m sorry about freaking out on you and I’ll think about it.’ And then if it’s really not your thing, a ‘I’m sorry, Rey, but I’m not interested in being part of a poly relationship.’”

Hux frowns again and Ben sees him forming a no in his throat.   
  
“Just think about it,” Ben says forcefully. “Apologize to Rey and tell her you’re thinking about it, and you’ll talk to her about it when you’re sure.”

“I’m pretty sure, Ben.”

“Text her and tell her you’re thinking about it,” Ben growls. “Even if you’re sure. Don’t fucking make her think you hate her because I know you fucking don’t.” 

Hux whips out his phone to text just that to Rey. He shows Ben what he’s written and Ben nods in agreement. The other man sighs as he sends it. 

“Well, at least I’ve apologized.”

“I’m gonna want an in-person apology too,” Ben grumbles.

“Demanding, aren’t we?”  
  
Ben rounds on Hux then. “You’ve made the love of my life cry for the last four days, you’re lucky she cares so much about you, otherwise I’d break your fucking nose.”

Not that he wants to do that even. It’s just the PTSD talking, and Ben knows he’d regret it the second he did it.

Hux winces. “Sorry. I know I fucked this up.”

“Just a bit yeah.”

They stay there for awhile, silent, watching the city below while Ben finishes the cigarette. 

“Do me a favor,” Ben says as he stamps the damn thing out. “Look up some of the options for poly relationships. I’ll send you some links too. Maybe something would work for you. Rey and I talked about most of the options, but obviously we’d need to talk further with you if you were interested.”

“Fine.” Hux looks resigned.

“Thanks, man.”

* * *

Hux reads everything Ben sends him over the next few days. Even clicks the links that refer him to other sites that tell him even more about poly-amorous relationships because he really does want to understand what drove Rey to this. It makes his head swirl because he tries to imagine the three of them in each situation, and mostly he has to stop himself because so many involve Ben getting intimate with him.

To his surprise, there’s one situation he can imagine without cringing and wanting to bleach his brain. He would just be dating Rey while she’s still married to Ben. Ben and Hux would only be her two partners, only joined by friendship, the detailed communication that polyamory seems to require, and loving Rey.

He thinks -maybe- he could try that. If it would make Rey happy. He’s scared of what it would make him.

Still, a text is sent out to both of them proposing a time to sit down and talk, so Hux has to deal with it.

By Saturday afternoon, he’s at their apartment with flowers for Rey and some wine like it’s a fucking dinner party. It just seemed wrong to show up empty handed. 

Rey greets him with the beginning of tears in her eyes, and gives him a hug after he hands her the bouquet and apologizes again.

“It’s okay, Armie,” she says graciously. “I know it was a lot. I’m glad we’re still talking.”

Ben smiles and shakes his hand, but his face is serious. Hux knows he’s watching carefully so he can step in and guard Rey from more pain. 

They settle into the couch while Hux sits on the side chair. He looks at them holding hands in solidarity and he loses the ability to speak. 

Rey notices immediately, perhaps because Hux just found a very interesting knot in their wood floors that is _ absolutely fascinating right now. _ “Do you want us to start, Armie?”

He can only nod slightly. Otherwise he’s absolutely paralyzed. All of the things his father tried to drill into him are ringing in his head, and it’s hard to even broach this kind of subject when that’s happening. Because it simply won’t do to be in such a disgraceful situation. Hux would be better off finding a whore to waste his energy and money on. (God, his father was an absolute fucking prick.)

Suddenly Rey is there like the sunshine and warmth she was named for. She takes his hands, pulls him up and over to the couch, positions them so they can hold hands. Ben watches from behind her shoulders.

“I wish I had figured this out last year when Ben came home. Maybe it would have been easier on all of us,” she smiles at Hux.

Hux nods, it’s all he seems to be capable of. 

“I’d like to go out with you again, if you want to.”

Ben leads forward and rests his head on Rey’s shoulder. “And you should know that I’m okay with that too and just about whatever it would entail. I really am.”

“I mean,” Rey continues. “There’s little things like using condoms, and things. But we can talk about that later.” 

Hux nods more firmly. “I’d like to try that.” His voice fucking cracks because his throat is so dry, but at least it’s been said.

Rey’s face lights up at that. “Really?”

He takes a moment to gulp. “Yes. I think so. I’d like to go slowly and see how I feel about it. If that’s okay?”

Rey nods vigorously, and Hux can see a faint smile starting to appear on Ben’s face. “That’s more than okay, baby. You can tell me what you’re comfortable with doing and not doing.”

“Is it okay if Rey tells me what you do together?” Ben asks. “I find the idea of it kind of exciting.”

That makes Hux recoil just a little. “Why?”

“It’s kind of like porn,” Ben laughs. “Except I get to hear Rey talking dirty instead of watching some dumb video where it’s not that hot.”

Rey swats him away from her with a frown on her face. “Stop it, Ben. That’s too much right now.”

“No,” Hux says quickly. “I- I can see the appeal of that.”

Actually, it’s making him a little hard thinking about Rey talking dirty to him too. She was always pretty good at that.

Maybe he’s more comfortable with this than he realizes. 

They talk about things a bit more. He and Rey decide to have their second first date tomorrow. He’ll take her out to a movie, followed by dinner. Something simple, something they’d done before. If it feels wrong, it’s just a friend date. Hux doesn’t think it’ll feel wrong anymore.  
  
He thinks it’ll feel like everything’s right in the world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! [@MsCoppelia](https://twitter.com/MsCoppelia)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter! [@MsCoppelia](https://twitter.com/MsCoppelia)


End file.
